Pearl
by cantbleedfornothing
Summary: Arizona left Callie 5 years ago. She walked away from Callie, the baby and Mark. Now 5 years later, it's the Sloan/Grey wedding and she's coming back to Seattle with someone else. But she can't seem to stop thinking about the gorgeous latina she left.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Arizona looked out of the window of the 747 as it peeled up into the sky exiting the Massachusetts airport with a whir and a rumble. She knew that heading back to Seattle after all this time wasn't going to make the knot she had in her stomach go away. The same knot that had lodged itself into her stomach when she had left 5 years earlier on her way away from the woman who she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Next to her sat the woman she had chosen instead. Rachel was that woman for her, the woman who she had met and picked to love. Two years earlier she had married her, figuring that she could replace all the pain in her heart. But Arizona was wrong, that choice had only lead to unhappiness.

_Arizona set down the paper and looked at Callie. "This isn't my dream." Callie looked at her seeing the serious look behind Arizona's beautiful eyes. _

"_Arizona, please. Don't do this." Callie could barely get out the whisper of a plea as it lodged itself in the back of her throat. It came out barely audible. Arizona knew that if she stopped and took it all back she would regret it for the rest of her life. But she knew that this wasn't her dream, it didn't include 3 people. It was just supposed to be them together. Them and their 10 kids. _

The reality was that she did regret it. She had regretted it every day for the last 5 years. Arizona resembled only the faintest part of what she had been 5 years earlier before. The fire in her had gone with the whoosh of breath that had blown out her inner candle. That breath had been the shut of the door as she walked away from their apartment.

"_I can't stay here. I can't be the third wheel in a relationship from hell. Mark is the father, but if you can't put things into perspective then I'm not sure that we can do this anymore Calliope."_

"_Don't you Calliope me…" Callie said as she looked at the woman she loved. Watching her walk away again was too much for her. _

"_I can't do this if you honestly think that Mark is going to around all the time and we are going to be one big happy family. There need to be rules and schedules and even today, he wanted us to choose about the amnio earlier but I can't be put second to him because he is biologically linked to the baby growing inside of you like a mighty freaking oak!" Arizona was furious. She had come back to this. She had come back from Malawi for this. It wasn't what her dreams had looked like every night she had woken up from nightmares about Callie no longer loving her. The dream that had overcome her after the nightmare faded didn't look like this. _

"_Please don't leave me Arizona…" Callie said as she looked at her wishing there was some way to make her understand, some way to make her stay for her. Arizona turned back around staring at the woman who was carrying Mark Sloan's baby. It made her want to cringe. It made her want to run to her and hold her forever also, but she had a choice to make. _

"_I'm sorry Callie. I can't do this with you both. Not if he's going to always be the first choice. " Arizona walked to their room and grabbed a duffle back from the back of the closet. She wish more than anything she could go back before any of this, before that fateful day in the airport, before she had left her heart behind. _

_As soon as she walked out of the bedroom she saw Callie still sitting in the same spot, tears streaming down her face. Arizona looked at her, standing still rooted to the spot next to the door refusing to move forward. As she turned and opened the door to set her bag outside she heard a whisper. _

"_I love you…" Callie had gotten up and was standing there shaking with both anger and grief. "I told you that I still loved you when you came back and that I wanted to make this work, the baby, with mark and with you. And now you are leaving me here. Again. Please don't do this Arizona, I love you still." _

_Arizona looked at her and then shook her heard slightly, her blonde curls softly bouncing against her cheeks as she reached up and put her hair behind her ear. The lump in her throat wouldn't go away no matter how many times she tried to swallow. Was she making a mistake? Maybe. Would she regret it? Yes. _

"_I love you too. But this isn't what my dream looks like. My dream is just our baby and us. I'm sorry Calliope. I love you. I wont ever stop." She walked to Callie and kissed her lips softly pressing into her as gently as possible not wanting to trigger any big reactions from the love of her life. But that didn't stop it from happening, as she pressed her lips to Callie's she left Callie's arms wrap around her and pull her into an even more passionate kiss that made Arizona see stars. The urgency of the kiss overcame her and she pulled Callie closer, feeling the spark ignite the instinctive response to a kiss like this. The kiss was long, but not long enough. Almost as quickly as it came it ended. Callie pulled back and Arizona felt the tears on her cheeks that she hadn't noticed during the kiss. Slowly she pulled back too, looking at the woman who had changed her life, then took a deep breath, before turning and walking out the door. _

Arizona opened her eyes. She had closed them briefly as they had climbed higher into the sky. She touched her lips slightly, wishing she could will herself back to sleep. Rachel lay with her head tilted to the right, her eyes closed as she was trying to sleep or maybe she was already asleep. Arizona thought back to the moments she regretted in life. Marrying Rachel had been one of them. The plane bounced due to turbulence and Rachel's hand grasped Arizona's on the armrest and for a brief second she felt as if Rachel needed her comfort, but as quickly as the moment occurred it was gone and Rachel sat up looking at Arizona. "I'm going to go see if I can convince the stewardess to give me one of those tiny bottles of rum right now, I don't want to wait for them to come down the stupid isles." Watching her walk away down the back of the plane Arizona let out a breath. She retreated into the memories that clouded her brain as they flew in the direction of the very place she left 5 years earlier. What was Callie like now? Was she married? Was the baby a boy or a girl? Over the years as she had remained in contact with Teddy, Lexie and Meredith she hadn't once let herself ask about the child she felt she had abandoned. Arizona fumbled inside her purse, looking for the only thing that would distract her at this moment. The gum crinkled in the tin foil of it's packaging. As she popped it into her mouth she felt relief spread through her. Nicotine had been her only savor in the past years, the only constant in her life, but a month ago when she got the invitation she had decided it was time to quit. Was it for Callie? Arizona knew better than to let that thought come across her mind, but no matter how hard she tried it was always there.

The plane landed 5 hours later. "Welcome everyone to the Seattle International Airport. Thank you for flying with us today and we hope you have a good stay wherever your destination is." As Rachel grabbed her things she shot Arizona a look that said, "you better get moving." Arizona looked up at her and shrugged her shoulders. "Arizona, when we get there please do me a favor and don't go looking for her. I don't want to be seen as the wife who can't keep a hold on her spouse just because her ex is there."

"I won't. It's not like anyone will care Rachel. We're married. And we're here for Lexie and Mark. ." Arizona looked down at her hands, wishing for hundredth time she had come alone.

They had received the invitation to the Grey/Sloan wedding in the mail a little over 3 months ago and since then Arizona had been a wreak. Rachel had noticed too. It wasn't like she was visibly showing it except that according to Rachel she was being distant, not talking, and not spending as much time on their relationship as she used to. Arizona didn't want to tell Rachel that she had noticed Rachel staying out till god knows when and then climbing into bed smelling of different perfumes. Arizona kept her mouth shut. It was easier than fighting her, except that Rachel only wanted to fight about Callie, in the past 3 months she had kept picking fights about Arizona's past. She didn't see what the giant deal was, she had known since they got married that Rachel wasn't faithful in the marriage. When they had gotten married Arizona's spirit had died with the words of I do. She had always imagined her marriage, her life, would be with Callie. But Rachel had wanted her forever and Arizona was a good man in a storm, so she did her duty and married Rachel after a good solid two years of dating. It was what was expected wasn't it? But after that day, Rachel had let a new side of herself show and it wasn't one of love and faithfulness.

Arizona began to notice that every week there was at least one night that Rachel would have to work late. But one night a week became 2, which then became 3. She would come home from her "office" drunk, always drunk. Arizona wouldn't say anything. All she would do was put her to bed and the next day pretend that nothing had happened. Her wife had a drinking problem, her wife wasn't faithful, but Arizona wasn't going to be the one to abandon her. Even if Rachel turned out to love drinking more than she loved Arizona she knew that Rachel wasn't going to be the one to leave her and she also knew in her heart she couldn't leave her wife. She was a good man in a storm. So she stayed.

Taking their bags from the baggage claim they got into a cab and drove to the hotel in downtown Seattle, The Four Seasons. Rachel wouldn't allow them to stay anywhere else. Marrying Arizona for the money also didn't seem to bother her. That night there was to be a rehearsal dinner and since Arizona wasn't in the wedding party she didn't need to be there.

Arizona grabbed onto the railing of the balcony of their room, she held tightly and breathed in the sea air that washed over her face like a wave of relief. She felt like she was home. She wondered what was happening at that rehearsal, thinking about the kids, the parents, her friends. Calliope. All she knew was that she had been dreading and anticipating the moment when she could see the gorgeous woman she had loved for so many years.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The smell of flowers overcame her as she stepped over the threshold of the little church off of Beacon Street. Arizona smiled a little bit, the flowers reminded her of Lexie the smell of iris's followed her as she moved down the rows seeing people that she hadn't seen in forever. Rachel came up behind her and put her arm through hers, her breath smelled slightly like toothpaste and gin. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Warren were holding hands over by the front of the pulpit, talking to Karev and Meredith. Arizona smiled as they made their way further down the aisle.

After all she had known Alex would be here. They had kept in contact over the last couple of years, he would write to her asking questions about certain cases and she would look over files he would send. He was her greatest protégé and he always would be.

Further into the rows were people who had been a part of her past, Addison, Derek who was holding the hand of what looked like a 6-year-old Zola. Arizona smiled slightly. It was like a high school reunion except without all the crappy decorations. Instead the church was full of beautiful people and beautiful flowers. The colors blended well together she felt like it was a dream. Mark was standing up at the front now talking to Meredith and Derek and Zola. They looked like a happy family. It wasn't like she hadn't known life would move on when she was away but seeing it made her heart ache.

Rachel tugged at her arm and they sat down on Lexie's side of the church. Lexie had kept in small contact with her over the years along with Meredith. She was there to support her old friend and even though Mark had been one of the reasons she had left, well hell, the main reason, she was happy that he had finally come to his senses and pursued the woman he loved.

Arizona looked around but didn't see _her_. She kept scanning the crowd trying to look around without seeming too obvious. Rachel glared at her out of the corner of her eye. "Stop looking around for her Arizona. Please. Don't embarrass me." Arizona sighed and looked at her hands, not wanting to talk to Rachel, not wanting to be there anymore. All she had come for was to see her, _Calliope_.

Rachel got up and looked around. "I'm going to see if I can go convince someone to give me some booze." Arizona didn't respond she didn't even bother to ask how Rachel was going to do it. It didn't matter. Watching her walk again she felt her breath slowly let out as if she'd been holding it since Rachel had first touched her arm.

Arizona stood up and walked towards the side of the church looking around still trying to find people she knew, looking for the woman who had changed her life in so many ways, the woman she had abandoned. The reason she stayed with Rachel, the woman who made her never go back on a promise again. It had been too painful to think about leaving Rachel. She wasn't going to do it. She had done it once before and ended up like this. This was her life; these were the consequences of her actions. As she stood leaning against a pillar she felt a small tug on her dress. Looking down she saw a mess of wavy black hair; beneath it was a pink dress. That face, looking up at her, she had seen it somewhere before, then she knew and she drew in such a sharp breath she audibly gasped.

"My mommy was gonna tell me where to stand but I can't find her. Do you know her?" Arizona looked at this beautiful girl. A beautiful healthy little girl staring up at her and she knew, it was Calliope's daughter. Mark's daughter. Letting the initial shock wear off she knelt down and did what she always did, she put on that super magic smile. That smile was what she used to treat her patients with; it was what she used to pass off being happy nowadays. "I might know where she is, who is your mommy?"

"My daddy is getting married to my Aunt Lexie, my mommy is Callie, and she's a doctor. Are you a doctor too?" The little girl asked as she fiddled with the sleeve of her dress. Of course Callie's kid would be the flower girl, it only made sense, her father was the one getting married. "I am a doctor. I'm Dr. Robbins but you can call me Arizona if you want. What's your name?" She looked at the girl with such awe. This beautiful creature had come from the woman she loved. It was amazing because she could see Callie inside of the little girls dimples, her smiles. "I'm Sofia. Sofia Sloan Torres." Arizona felt her heart jump in her chest. This wasn't what she had wanted to come back to; it wasn't supposed to feel like this. All the pain she had felt when leaving didn't match up to the fact that if she had stayed this little girl would have been the daughter she never had. The pain was unbearable.

Arizona stood up and took the little girls hand. "Lets see if we can't find your mom. I'm sure she's looking for you too. If I had a little girl as pretty as you in that dress I would be worried she would be off making it dirty by playing in it." Sofia furrowed her brow and looked up at Arizona. "I'm being extra careful." Arizona laughed a little bit and it seemed strange to her to hear that noise coming out of her mouth. How long had it been since she had laughed?

They walked into the back part of the church looking into each room. Most of them were empty; one of them had two people going at it like rabbits. That had been interesting. She covered Sofia's eyes as they backed out of that room. Finally they turned the corner of the hall and there she was, beautiful and elegant in a knee length purple dress. Arizona felt her heart jump into her throat.

"_Please don't leave me Arizona…" _

Arizona felt her chest tighten as they walked closer, her and Sofia hand in hand.

"_I told you that I still loved you when you came back and that I wanted to make this work, the baby, with mark and with you. And now you are leaving me here. Again. Please don't do this Arizona, I love you still." _

Callie turned and saw them, her eyes widening. Arizona stepped a little closer to her as they made eye contact and in that moment she knew, all of the things she had wanted to say, all the things she wanted to do went out the window. Calliope Torres was more beautiful than she had been five years ago and here she was, standing in front of her looking at her with a look of shock. It had been so long ago, their love for each other hadn't left, Arizona felt that part pull at her insides. She was still in love with Callie. Sofia smiled up at Arizona and then ran to Callie. "Mommy! I found you! This is Dr. Robbins, she helped me find you when I couldn't see you anymore." Arizona stopped walking and looked at Callie staring into those eyes.

"Hello Calliope."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_She used to be a pearl. _ Callie Torres thought as she looked into the eyes of the woman who had left her all those years ago. Callie thought she could see a glimpse of the Arizona she knew, the one with the super magic smile, the one who would light up the room. Something had changed, something was different.

Arizona looked at Callie trying to figure out what else there was to say, she saw her clench her teeth and then swallow hard. Sofia looked up at her mother then to Arizona trying to figure out what was going on but then decided her shoes were more important, why, because they needed to be tied. As Sofia bent down to tie her shoes Callie opened her mouth.

"What are you doing here?" She shook her head to clear it but it was foggy, full of something that she had thought wouldn't ever come back. It wasn't supposed to come back. Callie took a step forward and lowered her voice so as not to alarm Sofia. "I thought Lexie said you weren't coming." Arizona smiled a little weakly and then touched her hair moving it out of her face trying not to get to flustered. The moment she had seen Calliope her pulse had been racing and she was doing everything she could do to avoid looking her straight in the eye. "I decided it was time to come back. I wanted to see…everyone," she said softly. Callie looked away tried not to think about the last time they had seen each other, the last time she had called Arizona's cell and hung up. Everything she had wanted had walked out of her life 5 years ago and here she was standing right in front of her.

Callie felt her blood boil; it wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be able to confront Arizona when she saw her, not have to play it civilized because of her daughter. Callie looked over at Sofia and walked even closer to Arizona. "You aren't supposed to be here. I thought Lexie invited you as a courtesy, it's not like you are close to Mark or Lexie. Besides, I thought you were married. Doesn't your wife have a problem with you being here?" Arizona looked away. "She's here too." Callie tightened her hand into a fist. She hadn't ever felt like she had wanted to punch something this badly. She really wanted some bones to break.

Arizona looked up straight into Callie's eyes. "I came here because I wanted to see you, to apologize…to talk. I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to be able to say the things I needed to say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming." Callie stepped back. Apologize for what? For walking away? God she wished that was it. She wanted to know that Arizona had regretted every day she had been gone, because _she_ had. She had spent the days crying in bed, screaming at Mark, sobbing on the phone to her father and laying motionless trying to figure out how the woman she loved could leave her a second time.

Callie sighed and rubbed her temple, Arizona shifted from foot to foot trying to figure out what to say to her. Sofia finished tying her shoes and looked up. She saw her mother's look; she saw Dr. Robbins' sadness. She felt her mother was holding something back but she didn't know what. All she wanted was for her mommy to be happy. If Dr. Robbins was making her mother unhappy she was going to take her way from there.

Sofia stood up and tugged at her mothers dress. "Mommy, we have to go. I have to throw my flowers." Arizona smiled a little bit and looked at Callie. "You're daughter is beautiful." Callie smiled softly, letting her guard slip away as she looked down at Sofia. "She is, isn't she?" She said as she took Sofia's hand. "Let's talk later Arizona, I can't do this now. I can't even begin to understand what is going on but if I've learned anything in the past 5 years is that you can't turn your back on destiny, not when the outcome is something as beautiful as her."

Arizona nodded and watched as Callie and Sofia rounded the corner. She stood there racking in breaths trying to stand up straight without much luck. She leaned against the side of the wall and realized that seeing Callie only made the feelings inside of her grow stronger, made her heart race faster and made her want to reach out and hold her once again. As she stood there waiting to see if the world had actually ended when Callie had smiled at her she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Arizona, what the hell are you doing here? The ceremony is about to start. Lets go." Rachel smelled of booze, she hadn't had a problem finding any, not that she ever had problems in that area. Rachel grabbed her hand and dragged her back to their seats.

Sitting and staring straight ahead Arizona knew that Rachel felt something was different. Something wasn't right. Rachel gripped her hand tighter as if to clamp onto her forever. When Callie came into the room and walked to Mark to stand by his side as his best man Arizona felt her heart jump into her throat. Rachel felt Arizona jerk slightly and realized where she was looking. She leaned close to her ear and whispered, "Don't even think about it Arizona, you left her and you chose me. Don't you dare walk away." Rachel looked away and smirked slightly. She knew that Arizona wouldn't walk; she wasn't able to do such horrible things anymore. Arizona felt her smile fade as she looked at Callie. She felt her palms start to sweat. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Even though she had come back after all these years, she had made a choice. Her dark days had led to a wedding; she couldn't go back on that now.

After the ceremony the guests made their way to the reception which wasn't to far away but far enough to sit through a silent car ride. Arizona felt her right hand twirling the ring around her wedding finger. When she was stressed she'd play with it spinning it round and round until her finger would hurt from all the stress. Her leg jiggled slightly as she bounced it up and down, she could really use a cigarette.

As they pulled up to the country club where the reception was being held Rachel looked around and whistled. "Mark does pretty well for himself doesn't he?" Arizona looked out at the vast amounts of golf course and fancy buildings. "He's a plastic surgeon Rachel. Of course he does. " Rachel parked the car and pulled out a small bottle of vodka from her purse and downed it. Arizona felt her stomach turn and her head ache slightly. The woman she loved wasn't like the woman she was supposed to be with. Loving Rachel hadn't turned out to be the thing she wanted and after seeing Callie it was very apparent that she was the woman she had always loved. No matter how many nights she had made love to Rachel and how many dates they had it was never far from her mind that her biggest mistake was not being able to change and be a part of Callie and her baby's life.

Arizona slowly pulled her hair back behind her shoulder and got out of the car making her way to the tent set up in the outside area of the country club. Rachel walked up to her and put her arm through hers. Arizona felt herself flinch but she knew she couldn't let go. Not here. Not ever. As they entered the tent several of her former colleges turned around and saw her. They whispered softly but a huge scene wasn't made, that was until they stopped walking and the Latina whose beauty made her heart ache turned around and saw them. Arizona felt her eyes darken and fall to anyone but Callie, the person her eyes fell to were Rachel's. That was a mistake.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Rachel gripped onto Arizona's hand tightly and Arizona felt her spine stiffen at the look that was coming off her wife and the woman she had loved so many years ago. Callie stared at them trying to figure out what to do. The woman standing next to Arizona was a tall dark haired woman who was gorgeous up and down but her eyes shifted over to the woman she had loved and saw something, a glimmer of sadness, a glimmer of something hiding in Arizona's wife's eyes. Arizona felt her spine tingle as she looked from Callie to Rachel. Something in her stirred and she knew how dangerous it was to be standing between both of these women.

Arizona knew in that moment why she had married Rachel. The similarities between Rachel and Calliope was staring her right in the face. They way they held themselves, strong and dominating but also the softness of hair falling around the eyes and cheeks. Arizona also knew that she had imagined Rachel was Callie so many times in their marriage. That's why she couldn't, wouldn't leave Rachel. That's why she didn't want to. It would have been her leaving Callie all over again. Just like she had five years ago and just like Africa. She wasn't going to mess up a marriage again because that was what her relationship with Callie had been, a marriage, even if they hadn't gotten that far in the three years they had been together.

Alex Karvev walked up then and coughed slightly so that Arizona could turn around and hug him, thankful for the fact that he was there. Callie turned her back and was gone in an instant. Rachel stood there watching the Latina woman her wife had loved for so many years and still loved walk away from them. Rachel felt her gut fall and her heart sink. She knew as she had always known ever since their wedding day that she would never live up to the memory of Calliope Torres. Arizona introduced Rachel to Alex and after a while the party was back in full swing. Meredith and Derek came over to be introduced as well along with a few others. Arizona excused herself to go find them some drinks. Slowly walking away from the party towards the bar she knew she couldn't keep herself together anything longer. All she wanted to do was cry out that she was sorry, that she had been a horrible person for leaving Callie and that she would do anything to make amends.

It wasn't that easy. She was married; she wasn't going to ruin her wife's life even though she seemed to not care about whether or not her drinking ruined Arizona's. Arizona knew that deep down there was another reason that Rachel drank as much as she did but it wasn't like she could come out and say "I still love my ex and I'm sorry I don't love you as much as I led you to believe." Arizona wasn't going to leave behind someone else that she cared about because no matter what she did care for Rachel, she had married her because she had thought she loved her more than she could ever love Callie but after a while it began to fade, the feelings were still there but the memories were to great to ignore. It wasn't fair, she knew that but it also was a marriage and to her marriage meant everything to her. Her parents were still married and had been for so many years that she had seen what it meant to make it work. There were good times and bad times; it wasn't like she could just ignore the vows she had made. Underneath it all there was always the whisper of hope, the whisper of redemption, the whisper that said go find her, ask her to forgive you, bring her home.

Arizona splashed cold water on her face in the bathroom and felt the cold water drip down her face. It was like a slap, a wake up call. The water made her feel the guilt she had been keeping inside, guilt for thinking about Callie in a way that wasn't faithful to her wife. As she reached out for a towel she heard the door open and then shut softly behind her. Wiping her face slowly Arizona looked up into the mirror and saw that Callie had slipped into the bathroom and was standing there with a look of fury or sadness or maybe both written across her face. Arizona felt her chest constrict as she lay the towel down softly careful to not let it fall onto the floor all the while staring up at the woman who had changed in her as many ways one person could change another.

Callie turned around and locked the door. Arizona felt the air being sucked out of the room, all of the oxygen had left her lungs and she carefully had to remind herself to breathe. "What are you doing…?" She asked as she stepped back bumping into the sink and trying not to let her nerves show. Callie looked at her, seeing the real Arizona standing there, a glimpse of the woman she had known, the woman who didn't let someone else control her, but that woman wasn't standing in front of her. In front of her was the smaller, less shiny woman who didn't have her super magic smile. Callie wondered how much Arizona had been hurting every since she left but then she realized, no, that's not what she cared about because Arizona had left. She had left her alone with a baby to raise and with a broken heart. Callie stepped forward and finally let all of her rage out. Callie gripped her hands tightly together and felt her pulse start to race.

"You think you can just show up here with your wife and expect that you won't get what's been coming to you for the last 5 years, my god Arizona it's not alright. You can't just show up with someone who you chose instead of me, someone you met after leaving me here alone to raise a baby with Mark! You can't be that person, that's not who you are, it's not who you used to be and this person you are, this person you have become, god Arizona it's not alright! I can't even understand why you are here, did you jut want to come back here to torture me with all of this, the memories or were you trying to see Sofia, because you haven't even asked about her for 5 years. I find out you've been talking to Lexi this whole time and asking about me but never about Sofia, how do you think that makes me feel?"

Callie took a deep breath and felt her tears roll down her face. Her anger was rising now, feeling her heart start to pound inside her chest and her face get redder as her anger came out. All of sudden she couldn't control what she was saying anymore and it all just came out in Spanish. "Esto no es quien eres, y no es quien eras antes. No puedo creer que estas aqui, esta persona no es quien debes ser. Y Dios con esa muchaha. Ella se ve igual a mi Arizona, te casastes con una muchacha que se ve igual a mi pero no es mi. Como es posible que no puedes ver eso? No puedes aparecer aqui y hacer esto a mi! No es justo!" Callie stopped to take a breath and Arizona stepped forward. She hadn't understood the second half of that rant but it had made her smile. Every time Callie ranted in Spanish she couldn't help but smile, it meant that she truly cared about what she was saying.

She slowly felt her heart quicken as she looked into the dark brown eyes of the woman she had loved for so very long. All she could say was she was sorry, because all that Callie said was right. She had left her for someone who reminded her if only slightly, of her last love. What could she say? It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. Lexie had warned her that coming to this wedding was going to be a big leap of faith in the fact that Callie would possibly forgive her but Arizona would never forgive herself. Arizona moved towards Callie as she watched the dark haired woman try to catch her breath. She grabbed her hands gently and felt a shock of electricity run through her body.

Shaking her head slightly she looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry Calliope. I'm sorry for everything. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret not coming back. When I left all I wanted to do was come back, but I couldn't let you down again, you wouldn't have trusted me if I had come back after that. It was the second time I left you. I was so ashamed." Arizona looked down and felt a tear roll down her cheek followed by many others and she couldn't contain them. "I'm sorry Calliope. I'm so sorry, " she softly whispered her last sentences, " Te amo. Siempre te he amado. Haria cualquier cosa para poder cambiar lo que paso. Lo siento." Before she finished the last part of the last word she felt arms pulling her in and a kiss being planted on her mouth. It was warm, soft and amazing. Lights flashed inside her head as she felt her body relax into Callie's. The kiss was long but serious; it was a kiss that was 5 years old, something that had been lying inside of both of them for as long as they could remember. It wasn't long enough and deep enough but Arizona felt her skin tingle. Calliope whispered against Arizona's lips, "I'm sorry too."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Arizona knew that the little bubble they had created in the bathroom couldn't last. The bubble where they now stood pressed against each other. She could feel Callie's breath against her lips as they stood there, not moving, not wanting to break the spell that had come over them. But in that instant Arizona knew she had just cheated on her wife. It didn't matter that Rachel had probably been cheating on her since they were married because Arizona knew that she wasn't going to be a cheater, she didn't want to be. Arizona pushed back from Callie and felt her heart start to race. This was something she had wanted for so long and she knew it.

"I think I need to talk to Rachel before we can do any of this Calliope. I want to be able to kiss you without remembering I have a wife and I know it's a long shot but I knew from the moment I got here that this was all I wanted. " Callie looked at her with sad eyes and then tried to interrupt Arizona but she was on a roll. " I can't cheat on her even though she's been cheating on me since we got married and I know how badly I have wanted to pretend that our marriage was all right but I can't anymore Calliope. I can't pretend because all I wanted was for you to forgive me and then we kissed and now I just, I remember everything, everything from us…I promised I'd never forget us." She said softly as she felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Callie just stood there looking at her trying to form her words but Arizona saw something inside Callie that she hadn't seen before. The look was something different, something she hadn't seen in a long time and then she realized it was like Callie wasn't telling her something. Arizona took a step back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "What is it?" She asked in a soft tone trying to keep her voice from shaking uncontrollably. She didn't want to be here anymore, she felt like the walls were closing in on her. The once perfect moment seemed to be disappearing at an exceedingly fast rate. She tried to look anywhere but Callie's face but there was nowhere else to look. It felt like she was going to end up wanting to run away but she couldn't go anywhere else. This is where she had wanted to be and they had shared a moment that was going to be forever burned into Arizona's mind.

Callie took a step towards her and took her hands gently. "I'm sorry that I couldn't put you first back then Arizona, but this…I can't do this now. I'm sorry." Arizona felt her heart constrict and she tried to look away. "I'm engaged Arizona." Arizona stopped listening after that. She felt her world come crashing down and she didn't even realize she was trembling. She didn't hear Callie's next words or the words after that. Callie had kissed her but she was engaged. It didn't make a whole lot of sense but she knew that it didn't have to. Arizona had done the same thing. She had kissed Callie while being married to Rachel. It wasn't like she could get mad at Callie because she had been the one to leave her so many years ago but the thought of Callie marrying someone other than Arizona made her feel so literally sick to her stomach that it took all her willpower to stop from retching right then and there. Arizona finally looked up at Callie and could hear her again. "Okay…you're engaged but you kissed me, I guess. I can't…I can't do this Callie. I have to go. I'm sorry, for everything but I can't stand here and hear all about your new engagement. I'm sorry. She's a lucky girl whoever it is." Callie looked at her with sad eyes. "It's Lucy, Lucy Fields….remember, Alex's ex?" Arizona felt the heat of the moment come crashing down on her like a giant wave in the middle of a hurricane. Arizona gasped for breath and ran out of the bathroom.

She ran as far as she could until she couldn't breathe anymore and stopped outside near the woods and broke down. Her sobs racked her body until she couldn't cry anymore. Lucy Fields. A blonde OB who had gone to Africa, sound familiar? Arizona felt like she wanted to die, she had been replaced with the one person who resembled herself so much that it was un fucking canny. Arizona finally stopped to take a breath and looked around, she was standing far way from the wedding reception at the club and was almost by the trees that led out to the highway. She signed and sat down on the ground and felt her heart ache un controllably in her chest as she stared at her hands. Callie had kissed her and then told her she was engaged to Lucy Fields. Lucy Fields. Man, she couldn't get over that, Lucy hadn't even been gay and what about Alex, what did he have to say to that? Arizona knew she should ask him but she didn't want to go back in there, not after what had just happened. Not after that perfect moment had been shattered. She had been so ready to finally tell Rachel that she couldn't do this, she wouldn't do it anymore because she could maybe, eventually try to earn Callie's full forgiveness and maybe one day they could have been more, but to think that she had gotten so close to even wanting to try it, only to be told there was no chance of it ever happening was like being told there was no Santa.

After about a half hour Arizona finally got up and made her way back to the party, as she walked in she saw Rachel and was immediately reminded of her life and how much she had to hold onto if she was ever going to be able to make it out of this reception without further interruptions. "Where have you been? I looked all over for you. Don't tell me you were with her." Arizona shook her head and said softly." No, but it wouldn't matter, she's engaged Rachel, lets just leave okay?" Rachel smirked a little bit and took a final swig of the drink she had been holding, it was probably her 4th or 5th drink and Arizona knew she shouldn't be driving but she was to tired to care. They got into the car and they pulled away from the reception. As they drove back to the hotel she knew there was no way for her to take back anything that had happened. That kiss had been the most amazing kiss of her life, the one thing she had dreamed about without fail for the last 5 years. To finally be able to have Callie in her grasp like that had been the most intense feeling she had ever had and she knew that. But this wasn't a fairytale, she wasn't going to wake up from her dream and realize it was a reality. This was a nightmare she was living in and there was no waking up from that.

After they got back to the hotel Rachel went upstairs to take a shower and Arizona followed but didn't get into the shower. She wanted to sit and stare off the balcony. She watched the water lab against the pier and wished she could take back the kiss she had shared with Callie because if she could then she wouldn't have felt like this. That kiss had been the one moment she had realized how much she wanted to leave Rachel and now it was gone. There she was back in her life and with her wife wanting her to be hers no matter what even though she was cheating on her. It felt like this was the life she deserved. As she sat outside she reached into her pocket and pulled out the nicotine gum and popped two into her mouth. What she wouldn't give for a cigarette. All she wanted to do was drink until she was so delirious that maybe today hadn't even happened but she knew drinking was Rachel's area of expertise. Arizona went back inside and poured a glass of scotch for herself and drained it in one gulp and then set one out for her wife because she would want her scotch to go to sleep with. Arizona wasn't ready to close her eyes and let the memory of their kiss fade into a distant memory, fade into nothingness. There was a knock at the door and Arizona sat up, realizing it was probably housekeeping but not sure why they would come so late she sighed and let me hair fall down around her face as she walked towards the door. As she opened it she saw Callie standing there looking like she had been crying. "Callie?" She said softly as she looked at her. "I'm sorry Arizona, I know I shouldn't be here but I just, I wanted you to know that I do forgive you and it's that part of me that hates you so much for leaving me. You left me alone to raise a baby with Mark and you left me alone to cry every single night. You left me Arizona. You can't be the one who gets to feel sad because I didn't wait around for you. You left ME! And I begged you not to go." Callie began to whisper softly." I begged you Arizona. I begged you not to leave me, just like I begged you not to leave me for Africa." Arizona felt her heart cringe inside and she wished she could disappear. " I love her Arizona, please don't make things complicated for me, because whenever you're here, it's always going to be complicated." Arizona watched Callie and tried to say something but she didn't know what to say. "I won't be staying that much longer."

Callie nodded softly then looked away from her as her phone began to ring. She picked it up and then her eyes got wide and she looked at Arizona as she began to panic." Mark, what happened, tell me what happened? She what? She fell, oh my god Mark where is she, what? No, I'm coming right now, I'm with Arizona, what? Are you serious? Okay, I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have. I know, I know. Yes. I'm coming." Arizona looked at Callie as she hung up the phone. "Please come with me. Sofia just fell off the playground outside our house, Lucy was watching her. Mark just called and they are going to Seattle Grace. He says there's something wrong with Sofia's lungs. She needs surgery. Arizona, please, I need you." Callie looked at her desperately, Arizona knew she owed Callie everything and if this was what it took to make things right in the world then she would do it. "Alright. Hold on." Arizona left a note and grabbed regular clothes and then they raced to the hospital. Callie was crying and Arizona was praying. Please god, Callie doesn't deserve anything more than the best. Please let her little girl be alright. Please give me the strength to help her. Don't let me fail. I cannot fail the woman I love.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Arizona washed her hands off in the sink outside of the OR. Her head pounded and her heart was tired as was her hands but she had done it. Sofia had suffered trauma to her lungs due to the fall from the jungle gym, which had been right over a small tiger type play toy implanted in the ground. When she had bounced off of it she began to have difficulty breathing and in the OR she had signs of a punctured lung. Arizona had gotten in and repaired it while an orthopedic surgeon had reset the bone in her arm and made sure it would heal correctly. No one in this hospital wanted to make a mistake with the child of two of their own. Arizona went out to inform Mark and Callie. As she walked out into the waiting area she saw a blonde woman holding Calliope's hand and touching her head to her shoulder. Arizona felt her gut retract but she couldn't think about that now. It was about Sofia, Sofia Sloan Torres, the daughter she should have raised with Calliope.

Taking a step forward everyone turned to her and she saw a look of hatred in Lucy Fields' eyes. Calliope ran up to her. "Is she okay? What happened, please Arizona, " She said as tears sprang from her eyes and Mark stepped up to her. "Is she alright Robbins?" Mark said softly. Arizona smiled a little bit and put her hand on both of their shoulders. "Sofia had a punctured lung and a split in her right arm. It was broken in two places. I fixed the lung and got her breathing on her own again. She's going to be in some pain for a while but she should make a full recovery." Calliope grabbed her and hugged her. The hug seemed like it went on forever but in reality it only lasted about 5 seconds before Callie let go and stepped back. Mark shook her hand and smiled. " Thank you so much. Thank you." Arizona smiled and took a few steps back so Callie and Mark could tell everyone else waiting, including Meredith, Derek, Christina and Owen and the Chief and Bailey. Alex walked over to her and nudged her. "Nice save Robbins. You know if you had let her die we would all have murdered you right?" Arizona rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the vote of support.

Alex chuckled and put a hand on her shoulder. "So, I see you found out about Lucy and Callie. Are you okay?" Arizona gave him a look, "Am I okay? Are you? She was your girlfriend." Alex smiled a little bit as they walked away from the group who had gathered around the Torres-Sloan clan. "Yeah, she came out when she got back from Africa and then her and Callie just sort of started going steady I guess." "Going steady? What is this 1954? Gee that makes me feel real good. Callie seems to have a thing for women coming back from Africa." Arizona let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed a cup of coffee from the nurse's station. She didn't want to think about how Callie and Lucy had fallen in love and all that. It wasn't like she was mad at Callie, hell Arizona had gotten married, but something inside of her had wished Callie wouldn't have gotten into another relationship. "Well, I know you still love her, it's written all over your face." Alex said as he sipped his coffee. "Karvev knock it off, it's not true." Smirking as he set his cup down he picked up a chart from the table and began to read it. "Bullshit." Arizona groaned again and tried to look away from the distant image of Callie and Lucy kissing. She felt her heart ache suddenly. "She kissed me you know…at the wedding, in the bathroom. She kissed me and then told me she was engaged." Alex looked up and his eyebrows shot up. He took her hand and led her to a on call room and set her down, he could see she was about to start crying and he didn't want anyone to see. He had been Arizona's friend for long enough to know that she also wouldn't like it if someone were to see her break down. He put his arm around her. Arizona let out a sob and felt her whole body collapse against him. "She told me she was sorry too when I apologized for everything and then I told her how much I still loved her and she kissed me. I told her I didn't want it to go further because of Rachel and I wasn't going to do that to my wife and then she tells me she's engaged to Lucy Fucking Fields!" Arizona started to cry then in a soft whimpering manner trying to hold it in but not being quite able to. Alex sighed and let her cry it out. "I'm so sorry Arizona. I bet she wasn't trying to hurt you through, I bet she was trying to be honest with you. Just like you were honest about being married. " Arizona wiped her eyes and finally stopped crying. She still felt her heart aching and pounding inside her chest but she knew she had been the one to confess her love to Callie first.

"I thought maybe, she loved me enough to wait and that if I confessed how much I loved her we would be able to go back to where we were, but I can't even begin to think about what her engagement to Lucy means. It just means its over. I just means I lost her three times." Arizona sighed and put her hair back up in a ponytail. She watched as Alex stood up and helped her up also. "I think it's worth it for you to say congradulations and be the bigger person. I know you have it in you." Arizona laughed a little bit. "When did you get so wise Alex Karev?" He smirked a little bit as he opened the door. "Time made me wise." Standing in front of them was the Chief of surgery, Owen Hunt. He smiled a little bit and stuck his hand out. "Thank you for saving Sofia, we are all grateful. Karev, can I talk to Robbins alone for a minute? " Alex smiled and nodded as he walked off. Arizona looked at Owen. He had aged well and looked like the kind of Chief that he was supposed to. He had managed to look dignified without overdoing it. It was nice. "Robbins, we could really use a head of pediatric surgery again. We lost Stark a while ago to Seattle Pres. Can I offer you your job back?" Arizona stood there. She didn't know what to say. Callie was here, but so was Lucy, but Alex was here, but then so would Rachel have to be. She couldn't just leave Boston but honestly what was keeping her there? Nothing. She had longed to be back in Seattle as long as she could remember and here was the opportunity. The only part of it was that she would have to ask Calliope first, it was her hospital, she had been here longer and if Callie didn't want her to stay then she wouldn't. She cleared her throat and looked at him square in the eye. "Can I give you an answer later today? I need to talk to my wife about all of this." Chief Hunt smiled and nodded. "Of course, I expected you to say that. Let me know by the end of the day tomorrow. " He said as he walked off towards the elevators.

Walking towards the attending's changing room Arizona thought all about what it would mean for her to move back to Seattle. She'd have to see Callie and Lucy and their family with Mark and Sofia and Lexi but she would also be near Alex and Bailey and working back in the hospital she had grown to love those few years ago. Maybe Rachel wouldn't throw that big of a fit when she learned about the move. Rachel had been saying she wanted to get out of the Boston area but Arizona doubted that it would be okay for them to move to Seattle. Rachel already felt threatened enough by Callie that if Arizona was working at the same hospital it would probably be pretty bad. She changed out of her scrubs and put her other clothes she had grabbed before they had run out of her hotel room to the hospital. That car ride had been tense; she had looked around the car and seen the affects of the last 5 years. Toys and little girl clothes were strewn all over the car as well as take out containers and multiple empty coffee cups. Callie was a mom now. She was a fiancé, she had a life. It made Arizona feel empty somehow inside. It wasn't like she had wanted it to feel this way she just wasn't sure how she was supposed to handle all of this. As she stepped out of the room and into the hallway she saw Calliope walking towards her. Arizona sighed a little and shifted her bag onto her shoulder. "How's she doing?" Was the first thing out of Arizona's mouth, trying to keep the conversation on Sofia and not on them. "She's good, she's sleeping. Mark, Lucy and Lexi are with her right now. I wanted to say thank you Arizona. You saved her and I don't know how much I can thank you. " Arizona smiled a little bit and nodded trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. "It was nothing. I'm glad I could help. " "Listen I Christina told me Owen offered you your job back…here. And I just wanted to tell you that I think you should take it. If it's what you want. I'm sorry about the bathroom. I shouldn't have kissed you like that, out of the blue." Arizona felt her cheeks flush. All she had heard was I shouldn't have kissed you and it made her insides ache. "It's alright. I shouldn't have assumed you'd wait for me either." She whispered softly as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I have to go. I have to talk to Rachel about the move." She turned to go and she felt a hand on her sleeve. "That kiss, I meant every part of it. I'm sorry it had to lead to the truth. I just wanted to forget you know, for a moment that we weren't married or in a relationship. I wanted to remember what it was like before." Calliope whispered softly as she let go and walked away. Arizona trembled. She did know. She had been wanting to remember that ever since she had left.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Rachel said no. Automatically she said no. She said no way in hell was she going to let Arizona drag them across the country to work in the same hospital as her ex girlfriend. Arizona had hoped Rachel would understand. Rachel had screamed at her and yelled and then stormed off to find a bar. Arizona sat on the carpet of their hotel room and slowly poured a small bottle of Jack into a cup following it up with a coke. She twirled the mixture in her hand as she remembered a time when she had almost abandoned everything to go back to where she felt she belonged.

_Arizona picked up the phone and took a breath. She couldn't do it but she couldn't not do it. All she had wanted was to be able to make it to this day without backing down, without doubting everything in her body. But as she sat there trembling she remembered all the reason's she had left Seattle. Callie had been ready to include Mark on every decision that would come to their family and Arizona had felt that wasn't fair. Now looking back on it she didn't seem to think it was as big of a deal as it had been when she had left. _

_She sat on the stool in front of her mirror. Her hair up in curlers, her mind racing as she slowly took a sip from her cup. The whiskey burned as it slid down her throat and she closed her eyes briefly. Arizona hadn't been ready for today because she had known she would collapse and do this. Her phone was open to the contact for Callie. She hadn't looked at it in a long time and here she was on her wedding day ready to call Callie and what? Ask her to stop her? Ask for her forgiveness? There wasn't anything Arizona could say that would make what she had done any better. All she wanted was to hear her voice. She thought maybe hearing her voice would make things better for her, let her know she was doing the right thing in marrying Rachel. _

_As she clicked the call button she trembled. She heard the phone ring several times and then the answering machine picked up. "You have reached the home of Callie Torres. Please leave a message after the beep. – honey…what, yes I will get you some juice..." Click. That was what her message machine sounded like. As Arizona hung up the phone she stared at it. Here she was, readying to choose which way she wanted to go and she had called her ex. The love of her life her mother called her. Arizona knew it, her family knew it, but she was determined to get married and start over. She slowly drained the rest of her glass and looked at the picture on her phone, Callie's smile beamed up at her. She sighed and slowly put her phone into her bag, taking her curlers out of her hair and getting ready to finish her make up. _

Arizona looked up from her cup as she spied the bottom and realized she was crying. The tears were slowly and silently falling down her face as if she had been doing it for a long time. In fact she had. It had been a half hour of her sitting on the floor and realizing all her what if's. What if Callie had picked up that phone? Would they be together now? Arizona realized she couldn't do this. Her decision had to be based on her life now, whether Rachel wanted to stay or not. It had taken her this long to realize she had never actually wanted a life with her; she had never wanted to marry Rachel. She was supposed to have gone back to Seattle and found the love of her life, but she hadn't. Ever since she had left Calliope she had been to scared to admit that she had never wanted to leave. She had never wanted to go halfway across the world to escape her.

Rachel would be at the bar, but she didn't want to find her there. She would be drunk and probably in the mood to start yet another fight. She didn't know who else to call to tell about her decision. She didn't even know if she had made her decision. All she knew is that she wanted to see Calliope as soon as possible. She wanted to tell her that she was ready. That she wanted to apologize for everything and would hope she could forgive her 100%. Callie was engaged. Callie had kissed her. These things jumbled around her mind as she realized it was time. No matter how badly Rachel had treated her Arizona hadn't wanted to leave. She had felt she had deserved the abuse because of who she was as a person. Because she had left the love of her life she deserved to be punished. But that wasn't all right anymore. She knew that. She had the opportunity to make a different life for herself. It wasn't about who needed who anymore, it was about who was meant for who.

Arizona picked up her keys from the bedside table and ran down the hall. She went to the first floor then out the back door to her car. She breathed in the air of Seattle, the salty sweet air and sighed. It was home. She wasn't going to go back to pretending she was alive when she really wasn't. She hated being caged in Boston. She hated being chained to a life she hadn't wanted. It was time for her to grab life by the freaking horns. She spoke out loud to herself, "I love you, I'm sorry. I'm ready for this. I can do this. I want this to work." As she pulled out she kept going over those lines in her head. The next thing she knew she was upside-down. The car was crushed in multiple places and she smelled gas leaking. She looked to the right and too the left and she could only see darkness. She had somehow ended up flipped upside down in a ditch. She tasted blood then felt it dripping down her forehead. She thought she heard screaming but maybe that was from her. All of a sudden her face felt hot and she smelled burning, fire burning. That was the last thing she remembered as she closed her eyes, her last thought was of those dark brown soulful eyes and the smile that made her heart melt.

Arizona heard the beeping of the heart monitor as she slowly tried to open her eyes. She tried again. They felt like they had been glued shut. She then realized her whole body was in pain. The pain was agonizing and before she could make so much as a noise she felt herself getting lost in a dreamland as the morphine kicked in. The second time she woke up she realized someone was there holding her hand, she looked over and it was Miranda Bailey. She tried to smile but then felt her body spasm in pain and it was so blinding she didn't even notice she had blacked out. The third time she woke up she was actually able to open both her eyes. She felt her head ache and then realized that she could move her hands and her legs. She tried to check for all her vitals, her heart wasn't racing, her head hurt yes but wasn't aching as much as it had the last two times she had tried to wake up. She looked over at the chair next to her bed and saw Rachel sleeping silently with her head tilted to the side. Arizona sighed deeply then winced at the pain. Rachel stirred and looked up at her from the bed. "Arizona, you're awake." She said softly as she looked around the room trying to see if anyone else was in earshot. "Yeah I'm awake. What are you doing here? I thought you said you wanted to go home." Rachel looked her and started to cry. " I'm so sorry. I was drunk and stupid and I shouldn't have left you alone and I know that it wont make up for it and I know they couldn't find me for a couple of days but I'm here now." Arizona felt her heart constrict. Rachel rarely showed emotion and usually it was to get what she wanted. She had known Rachel wasn't going to be there. She had probably been off on a bender and wasn't responsible enough to check her phone. "I want to stay here Rachel. But I want to stay alone. I don't want to come home with you." Rachel looked at her and Arizona felt the sadness draining from her face and saw the rage that was coming. "You want me to go? Leave you here and just fucking go? No Arizona. We belong in Boston together. "

"NO Rachel. You belong in Boston with whomever it is that you are fucking because I've known about her or him for the last 6 months and it was probably happening before then. I don't want you to stay here and I don't want to come back with you. Just leave." Rachel stood up and shook the bed slightly as she yelled. "Is it because of her, you fucking whore! Is it because she's here and you still love her? Is that what this is all about?" Arizona felt her eye twitch as the pain kicked in due to her heart starting to pound in her chest. She was so angry, after all these years of taking Rachel's shit she was angry at her and at all the emotions she had made her feel. "I'm done Rachel. I don't want to be with you anymore. After all this time you drank and you screwed around. I can't count the times you came home smelling like alcohol and sex. I don't want this anymore. I've fucking put up with this enough. Just leave me alone. JUST GO!" Rachel stared at her then screamed so loudly she felt like her head was splitting open. "I hope you too are great for each other, but remember Arizona she's engaged!" She stormed out. Rachel ran out the door and down the hall. One thing she didn't notice as she was running was Callie. Callie felt her whole body run hot and then cold. She had heard everything. She stood outside and tried to comprehend what had just happened. But she couldn't. Not yet. She wanted to be alone to think about it. Instead of walking into that room to tell Arizona she had been worried sick she stood there wanting to tell her that she loved her too. She still loved her and always would. But instead, she silenced a sob and ran downstairs, back to her life.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It took her 4 weeks to finally get out of bed and back to work. 4 weeks of lying in a bed in Seattle Grace Mercy West wishing she had died. She lost her wife; Rachel had gone back to Boston without her. The divorce papers had been filed; they lay next to her on the bedside table untouched. Rachel had signed them and sent them without so much as a note. Arizona knew she didn't want to talk to her at all she knew in her heart that it was over but she still felt like she had failed. Failing at a marriage she had sworn to never fail at. Miranda was keeping tabs on her everyday making sure that Arizona wasn't trying to push herself to get up and go back to work. She had 4 cracked ribs and a pretty severe head injury but Derek had cleared her finally after monitoring her for 2 weeks. All she did now was lie in bed and watch TV but not really watching it. Callie had come to see her once. Arizona had pretended to be asleep but as she lay there trying to not move a muscle Callie had reached out and took her hand. Arizona had slightly sucked in her breath and not moved for the half hour that Callie held her hand. After she left Arizona felt her heart break slightly.

Callie spent 4 weeks in a dream. A car had hit Arizona; she had broken up with her wife and filed for divorce. Callie had constantly checked up on her even without her knowing. Callie had pestered Derek so much he finally just stopped answering her and just handed her the chart when he saw her walking towards him. And no matter what she tried to do, no matter how many cases she buried herself into the only thing she could find herself thinking about was Arizona. She had heard the conversation, she knew Arizona still loved her; she could feel it, why else had she ended that marriage. Callie felt selfish then thinking that Arizona's only reason to end her horrible marriage was to be with Callie so she tried to put it out of her mind. Lucy had noticed a change in her she kept asking her what was wrong, seeing if they could talk about what was going on with her but Callie kept putting her off. The wedding date was getting closer and closer but all she wanted to do was scream. It was a Monday, a long weekend it had been sitting at home staring out the window while she pretended to be reading a book and thinking about the beautiful blonde peds surgeon who was lying in a hospital bed not far away. Callie knew she had to talk to her but it was just to hard to try and make words form when she thought of actually looking into Arizona's eyes and saying the things she felt. Calliope knew it was time to face facts, something in her heart was telling her that Arizona was here for a reason and she had almost lost that chance. She wasn't going to lose it again. Not now, not ever.

Arizona lay in bed looking out the window and trying to choke down the jell-o cup she had in her hand. It tasted like ass but she was hungry. She would be getting out of here soon, Bailey told her it was only a matter of days until she could go home and then it would be about a week until she was allowed to come back to work. Working at Seattle Grace Mercy West sounded like loads of fun now, Callie was engaged and Arizona was now getting divorced. The only thing that made her feel even worse was the fact that Rachel had left and she had failed at the very thing she hadn't ever wanted to fail at. What was going to happen when she came back to work and had to work next to Callie and her fiancé…it was going to change everything. Arizona made a promise to herself. She wasn't going to ruin what Callie had. She knew that it wasn't fair to her. She had ruined their lives once before when she walked away from their future. She wasn't going to start this again. It wasn't fair.

Arizona heard a soft knock on the door and turned. Standing in the doorway in dark blue scrubs with a white coat on and her hair down, ringlets around her shoulders stood Calliope. Arizona tried to hide her smile but it slipped out. Calliope felt her heart flutter at that smile, the smile she had dreamed about ever since Arizona had left that day. Calliope stepped into the room and Arizona felt her chest tighten. The moments that they were together had been the very thing Arizona lived for. She loved Callie, deeply, irrevocably. There was no mistaking the feelings Arizona shared for the woman standing in front of her. But Calliope had a life now, a daughter, a family and Arizona felt that if she laid all of her feelings out on the line this time she would do more damage then she had done walking away all those years ago.

Callie walked towards her and sat down next to the bed. She took her hand and stroked the back of it like she used to do when they slept next to each other every night. They had shared everything in their lives until one day it had ended. Arizona knew in her heart that Callie was struggling; she could see it on her face. Callie smiled a little bit and looked at her. "I came to see you, to make sure you were okay, I was here almost every day Arizona." Arizona smiled slightly as she sat up a little bit. "I know, I heard you once, but Bailey filled me in. Thank you for coming and checking on me." Callie nodded as her eyes wandered towards the side table where the pad of divorce papers was sitting. Arizona followed her gaze then let it wander out the window. "She sent you papers?" Callie asked softly as she let go of Arizona's hand. Feeling her breath on her sleeve was almost too much for Arizona to bear, she wanted so much to reach out and take her in her arms as she had so long ago but it was unbearable to think about all the things that had changed since they were together.

"She did. She's back in Boston and wants a divorce. She is taking the house and most of the money but honestly, I don't give a shit." Arizona looked up at Callie's face, seeing her eyes and watching for a sign, any sign that would indicate what she was thinking. Arizona remembered when she had been able to read everything going through Calliope's mind just by reading her face but those days were gone. Callie shook her head and stood up, looking at Arizona. " I'm so sorry. I hate her for doing that to you, for leaving you here. I wouldn't…"Callie stopped herself then swallowed and let herself finish her sentence. " I wouldn't have left you here…not alone." Arizona felt a tear fall from the corner of her eye. No matter what anyone said Callie was the woman she would always love. She knew that, she had known that when marrying Rachel and she had known that when she had told Rachel to leave. But Callie wasn't with her now, she was with someone who made her happy, someone who loved her daughter and wanted to be a part of that family. Arizona wouldn't do that. She wouldn't destroy Callie's life again. She wouldn't be selfish. It was time to be the woman she was meant to be, a good man in a storm. She would give Callie every opportunity to be happy.

Callie saw the tear and pulled Arizona close, wiping the tear away from her face. "Don't, don't cry please. I'm here. It'll be all right. I know it will." Callie whispered softly into her face, looking at her, searching for a sign, searching for the Arizona she loved and the woman she had fallen for when she had first seen her on her roller shoes. That was the woman she loved. Arizona looked up at Callie their faces were inches apart and all Arizona could see in her mind was Lucy and Sofia at home waiting for Callie. "Don't please…you have a life Calliope. You have a family now and a daughter to think about. Please don't make this harder…"Arizona stopped thinking because at that second Callie's lips were on hers and they were amazing. Callie pulled Arizona closer and kissed her with so much passion she felt like she was going to pass out from joy. Arizona wrapped her arms around Callie and pulled her closer letting their tongues dance around each other, as their kiss grew desperate. Arizona knew she shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't be kissing, not in the hospital, not ever. But as their kiss kept lasting she lost herself in the intensity. Finally Callie pulled back and Arizona let her forehead rest against hers, she panted slightly as she felt her body trembling. "We can't do this. You're getting married. I can't do this Calliope."

Callie stared at her; all she wanted was to go back, to have run after Arizona when she had walked out all those years ago. She wished she had, more than anything she wished she had run after her and held her so close that she had never left again but there they were, in a hospital room kissing as if no time had passed. Lucy. Lucy was waiting for her, Sofia and Lucy were making dinner tonight for her and at home she was sure they were waiting around for a call or a text to indicate when she would be home. Arizona saw the panic on Callie's face and smiled a little bit, a sad smile as she pulled back and let Callie go. "It's okay. Go home to your family. Get married, live the life you were meant to live Calliope. I made that mistake once. I won't do it again. I won't keep you from who you are supposed to be with. I won't destroy your family again. Just go." Callie got angry, she wasn't sure what she wanted but now Arizona was telling her to leave. "You can't just tell me to go? You love me. You kissed me back. I felt that. I felt you." Arizona looked away and felt the tears coming again but refused to let them fall. "I can't give you what you want. I can't be your wife. I can't be the woman for you. I can't do that Calliope." Callie stared at her and looked away, walked to the door then back. "But you asked Rachel for a divorce. You asked her for one and you told her to get out of your life. What was that if not because you and I…we were supposed to be together? Wasn't that it?" Callie looked at Arizona hard, now letting her tears fall for the first time. Arizona let one teardrop fall on her face then she turned back towards Callie. "No. I can't. I can't be what you need Callie. I can't. I wont." Callie felt her heart shatter. Arizona was saying no again. She was saying no to her again.

It felt like her whole world was crashing down on her. She turned to desperation, the only thing she had left to turn to. Looking at Arizona in the face trying to see her eyes. "Look at me and tell me you don't love me Arizona! Look at me and tell me you didn't leave her because of that kiss at the wedding, tell me you love me more than anything and that we are meant to try again, just like Africa, just like when Mark got me pregnant. Tell me we can do this and fight for us. Tell me you love!" Callie yelled the last part. Arizona looked at the floor and then out the window again. "Look at me damnit!" Arizona looked straight into Callie's eyes. She felt that if she were with her again she would only end up hurting her more. She had a life now and was a mother. Callie didn't need her, all she needed was Lucy and Sofia and their family. Arizona took a breath. She looked up at Callie standing there with a wild look in her eyes. The only way to do what was best for her was to let her go. Arizona opened her mouth and then closed it, looked away and then back at Calliope, standing there. "I don't love you. Just go. She's waiting." Callie felt like she had been slapped. She stared at Arizona and then turned and stormed out the door. Halfway down the hall was an on call room and she ran inside, and broke down. Arizona was still sitting stone still, staring at the place where Callie had been. She would be happy when she realized she had avoided something horrible. She would be happy with her new wife and her daughter. She had to be. Arizona felt as if she had died. Her heart ached and finally she let her tears fall, she trembled and shook as she cried for her selfishness and cried for her Calliope. She wished she could be what she needed but she knew better.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Arizona was back at work. It had been good getting back into the swing of things; working next to the doctors she had left behind 5 years ago. Being there again feeling like part of that family was good for her especially since she felt so alone at night with the absence of anyone in her life. Callie had stopped talking to her altogether. It wasn't like she wasn't in contact with her at all. They had several cases together and they would always see each other every day but it was done, the secret glances, the communication all of it was gone. Callie wasn't able to look at Arizona without it hurting, but what she didn't know was that it was the exact same thing for Arizona. Without realizing it Callie was breaking Arizona's heart more and more everyday. Arizona loved Callie more than anything. It wasn't easy to just sit by and have everyone talk about how amazing the wedding was coming together and how in love they were. Sophia had come to daycare almost every day but Arizona had avoided her as much as possible. Seeing the little girl who was the very reason she had left Callie in the first place was way to hard for her. If she had stayed it would have been their daughter she was seeing playing with Zola. Arizona didn't want to think about it so she avoided the day care center at all costs.

An emergency car crash came in; a drunk driver had jumped the barrier and hit a car with a woman and her two kids in the car. A twin brother and sister who were both in the backseat without any seat belts on had been thrown from the car. The boy had a practically shattered leg and his lungs were punctured with a rib. The sister seemed fine. They had brought her in and she had been crying but after a check out she didn't need to be put into surgery, she just had a broken arm and bruises up and down her face. The children were 5. Arizona burst into the OR and accessed the scene. Callie was already there working on the little boy's leg. Arizona walked up and started barking orders to her nurses to prep the boy for surgery in his chest to save his lungs. Calliope looked at her and sighed, Arizona felt the hostility before she had even entered the room. "I need to fix this lung first before you start on the leg Dr. Torres." Arizona said as her nurse handed her the scalpel. Callie glared at her and didn't stop working. "I'm busy trying to save this little boy's leg Dr. Robbins. Unless you don't want him to walk ever again." Arizona felt herself resist the urge to snap back at her. "I am busy trying to save his life Dr. Torres. Unless you want him to be dead." Dr. Bailey glared at them both. "You two shut up. Arizona you work on the lungs while Callie stables the leg until you are ready for her to continue." Callie glared at her again and Arizona felt herself start to get angry but she kept it back. "Alright Dr. Bailey. Sounds like a plan."

Arizona had been at work on this little boy's chest for more than 2 hours and she felt like she was drowning. He wasn't getting any better. The heart was now failing as she was trying to save the lungs and no matter what she did the hole was getting bigger. Finally she had to call it. Everyone was silent in the room. A 5-year-old boy had just died on their table. Arizona wouldn't quit standing there silently. She just looked at this sad little boy lying there covered in blood and no one was there to hold his hand. She looked at Dr. Bailey and then looked away. "Everyone leave please." Arizona walked back to the little boy, she looked at the chart, and his name was Robin. She cringed inside and felt her heart break a little bit. She felt a tear fall down her face and she knew she wasn't just crying for Robin. She was crying for the fact that Sophia had grown up without her also. Sophia didn't know that Arizona was supposed to have been in her life growing up. It wasn't like she would ever know the difference, she was sure Callie wouldn't have ever told Sophia while she was growing up. Callie didn't leave the OR. She was washing her hands as she saw Arizona reach out and touch the little boy's hand. She saw Arizona bow her head and then started to shake as she cried. She knew Arizona was crying but if anyone else had been looking they wouldn't have thought she was. Arizona liked to hide her emotions from everyone else. Callie knew now why she had asked everyone to leave. She opened the door to the OR and walked in quietly. Arizona had her back still to her and Callie walked up and touched her shoulder softly. "It's okay. I'm sorry. I know it's hard." Arizona sniffed then coughed and straightened herself up. "I'm fine. I was just paying my respects to him." Callie sighed inwardly. "Arizona, it's okay to show your feelings. It's okay to have feelings of sadness." Arizona whirled around and looked at Callie. "I'm fine Calliope. I'm not feeling a whole mess of feelings right now. I just wanted to be alone." Arizona stormed out to wash her hands and take off her surgical clothes. She raced down the hallway and felt Callie closing in on her from behind. She flung open the door to the on call room where she could change and sleep and tried to shut it before Callie could make it but it was too late. She was in the room with her.

Callie looked at Arizona, her red eyes and puffy nose and saw the pain in her face. Arizona was feeling something that she obviously wasn't used to. Callie couldn't help but reach out and take Arizona's hand. She gently stroked the back of it with her thumb as she stood there letting Arizona cry softly. Arizona looked up at Callie with this look of utter despair and longing. That moment broke her. Callie had been so mad at Arizona these past couple weeks for everything she had done and all she wanted was to forget they had ever loved each other but in her mind, secretly and to no one else she still thought of Arizona has Sofia's other mother. Callie pulled Arizona to her hard, letting her breath catch in her throat as she felt their lips get closer. Arizona looked up at her with pleading eyes. "Please Callie, don't. Don't do this. Don't make this harder."

Callie looked down into Arizona's eyes and knew in that instant that she would never love anyone as much as her. Callie gave into her emotions and kissed her. She pressed her against the door and kissed Arizona so hard that she couldn't even breathe. Arizona felt everything inside of her explode. It had been so long since they had been this close, this passionate, this connected. Arizona felt her lips against Callie's and felt a shiver surge through her entire body. Arizona flipped them around so that she had Callie pressed up against the doorframe as she kissed her neck and her collarbone. Slowly but surely their clothes came off. Arizona kissed down Callie's collarbone and down to her breasts while slowly taking off her shirt and bra. The scrubs landed on the floor in a heap but all Arizona did was kick them into the corner as she guided Calliope to the bed. Kissing down her neck and back up and hearing the moan come from Callie's lips was the most intoxicating feeling she had ever had.

Arizona began to slowly slide her hands into her pants and she felt Callie take a sharp breath in and then let out a sweet smile as Arizona found her center. Arizona moaned into Callie's hair as she felt her hot center against her fingers. This kind of feeling hadn't been there in over 5 years. This longing they had for each other came out in every second they spent scrambling to touch each other in every single place they could. Arizona kissed down Callie's body to her stomach and then to her inner thighs as she began to tease her softly feeling the heat from her wash over herself. Arizona felt herself more turned on then she had ever been with Rachel. These were the moments she dreamed about when she slept. Calliope in her arms, in her bed, again. "Take me Zona, please just take me," Callie whispered to Arizona softly and she didn't need to be told twice. Taking her center in her mouth she began to work her tongue around her. She could feel Callie's insides tightening as she came closer and closer to that moment that Arizona loved the most. It didn't matter it wasn't lasting long, it didn't matter that Arizona wasn't going to come with her. All that mattered was Callie. Her Calliope. The love of her life was here with her and she was going to make her feel amazing. Callie started moaning louder and louder as Arizona sped up her vigor. The more loudly she moaned the fast she went. It became faster and faster until Calliope reached out and rang her hands through Arizona's hair and grabbed on tightly as she screamed out Arizona's name and her body shuddered against hers. Arizona smiled softly as she kissed her way back up her body and smiled as she kissed Callie on the lips. The world outside of the door didn't exist. Nothing existed except them. Arizona looked at Callie. She knew better. This was wrong. Callie was engaged to be married and had a life and a family now. But no matter what she would always feel like Callie was her heart. Calliope looked at Arizona and kissed her nose softly. "I love you Arizona." Arizona smiled and let her smile out. "And I you, Calliope."

As suddenly as they had started it was over. There was a banging on the door and Mark burst into the room. Arizona yelled loudly as Callie screamed and covered herself up. Mark stared at them to dumb founded to look away but wasn't just seeing naked women; he was seeing the mother of his child cheating on her fiancé with her ex girlfriend. "Mark get the fuck out of here!" Arizona yelled as Callie hid under the blankets. Callie trembled and started to cry. She realized how awful this was. "Seriously, Callie! Your FIANCE is looking for you! Get down to OR 4 now." He slammed the door shut. Arizona looked at Callie under the covers. "I'm sorry…" Callie whispered, "I can't do this right now." Before Arizona knew it she was laying naked in the bed watching the door shut behind Callie as she flew down the hallway to OR 4.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Arizona spent the next week avoiding Mark and Callie as much as she could. Callie was doing her best to avoid her also. Arizona knew that. She could tell. After she had run out of the on call room to OR 4 Arizona had also been called to OR 4 and helped save a little boy's life. In that room there had been so much tension that Arizona felt like 12 scalpels couldn't have even cut it. Lucy had swung by the OR to pick up Callie after the operation and Mark had looked at Arizona with such anger that even Lucy asked what was wrong with him. Mark had just shaken his head, glanced at Callie and then left. Arizona felt more and more guilty with every passing day. She had slept with someone else's fiancé. If that had happened to her she would have been heart sick, broken and not been able to recover.

After a week had gone by she knew that Callie was staying with Lucy. There wasn't any doubt. She had hoped every night that week that Callie would show up at her doorstep telling her that she loved her and couldn't be without her no matter what. But as the week went by and every night ended with her sobbing into her pillow alone after drinking about 5 beers she realized that Callie had stayed with Lucy. No matter how she spun it, they had slept together and Callie had chosen her fiancé. Arizona felt defeated. She didn't know what else there was. All she knew was that she loved Callie, and if Callie wanted to stay with Lucy and keep her family together then Arizona would let her do that. All she ever wanted was for Calliope to be happy. It was time to let it go, wasn't it?

Callie stood by the sink letting the water run, she hadn't even realized it was cold. She had been staring out the window into the garden out back for about 10 minutes before Lucy came into the room and wrapped her arms around her. "What are you thinking about baby?" She kissed her neck gently and smiled as she turned the water off for her. Callie half smiled and shook her head slightly, reaching for the hand towel on the fridge to wipe her hands. "Nothing, I just. Is Sofia asleep?" Callie needed to tell her. If she was ever going to marry Lucy and complete this little family of theirs, she needed to come clean. No matter how much it hurt and she could only hope and pray that Lucy would forgive her. Would Arizona forgive her for making this choice? Callie couldn't think about that. She wanted Lucy. She needed Lucy. She was the one who put her heart back together, who had helped her love again. She was the one to make her feel everything again. Arizona had shattered everything. Lucy was the one she was supposed to end up with. Right?

"She's down. I read her 101 Dalmatians again. She loves that one. I swear she will be begging us for a puppy as soon as we are married. I bet you 100 bucks it will have to be a Dalmatian or else she'll freak on us." Callie smiled a little bit at Lucy. Whenever she talked about her daughter she lit up like there was nothing better in the world then Sofia and her. "Well then we will just have to get her one won't we?" Callie smiled and took Lucy's hand in hers and led her to the sofa. "Luce. I need to tell you something. I don't want you to be upset. Well I mean I know you will be upset but I want you to remember that you love me and that I truly truly love you." As she looked at her hands she felt the tears come and she let them.

"Last week…I slept with Arizona." The words were out. Callie couldn't take them back. She felt the breath rush out of Lucy and Callie realized she had been holding her breath also. Lucy looked like she had been punched in the face. The hurt was pouring off of her. Callie felt her take back her hand and she closed her eyes, wishing to god this wasn't going to end the same way it had with Arizona. Lucy stared at her and then swallowed. "You slept with Arizona, the ex who showed up randomly at Mark and Lexie's wedding and the one you told me broke your heart into a million pieces. That Arizona?" Lucy had a nasty tone in her voice but Callie understood. She would be devastated too. Callie nodded slowly looking at her own hands. They were sweating and trembling at the same time. "You fucked another woman…3 weeks before our wedding." Callie nodded again. She couldn't speak. All the words of explanation stuck in her throat. Finally she spoke, " I'm so sorry. Lucy, I don't know what happened and I can't…I know you might not ever forgive me but I wanted to tell you. I couldn't marry you on that lie. I love you so much. Please. I'm so sorry." Lucy turned away from her and opened the cupboard door then slammed it shut; it fell to the ground. Callie cringed, walking up to Lucy and putting her hands on hers. "I love you. Please baby. Don't do this. I love you." Lucy whirled around and faced her. "Me don't do this? Me? I didn't do anything Callie. I didn't go and fuck my ex girlfriend. Where did you do it Callie? In our bed? In our house?" Callie looked away from her and felt the tears hot on her face. "No Luce. I didn't. Please don't think like that."

Lucy started to cry then. After that moment Callie blocked most of it out. Lucy cried harder and harder and Callie cried, Lucy got angry and screamed and then left. Callie cried herself to sleep on the couch. The next morning when Sofia asked where Lucy was Callie told her she had to work early. She didn't know whether or not Lucy was coming back. All she had said as she walked out the door was, "Don't follow me Callie. I need to think." Callie wanted to call her, wanted to go looking for her. All she wanted was her life back before Arizona had come back into it. She couldn't help the feelings Arizona made her feel but she could control her actions. She had to. Sleeping with Arizona wasn't right for her. Was it? She knew she loved Lucy, they were to become a family. Sofia loved Lucy like another mother. She had gotten attached and loved her fiercely, she even loved having her read to her in bed which she never let anyone but Mark, Callie or Lexie do. They were to become a family.

Lucy was gone a week. A week of no contact and week of wondering if she would come back and then when she was at work, avoiding the maternity wing as much as possible she felt someone wrap their arms around her. Lucy kissed her cheek and then took her hand. "I forgive you but never again Callie. Never again." Callie smiled and hugged her tightly. She felt the joy of her entire life coming back. As she hugged Lucy she realized that she shouldn't have forgiven her. Lucy shouldn't have stayed. Would Callie have stayed? Callie hugged her and kissed her and smiled but inside she felt a little emptier. Arizona's face flashed in her mind of when she had said she loved her no matter what. Arizona. The thought of her made her heart ache. Lucy was her future. Arizona was the past. Arizona rounded the corner and saw Calliope and Lucy embracing each other, kissing, hugging and smiling. Arizona felt her heart fall. She couldn't bring herself to look away. As she watched she thought she heard the words. "I'm so sorry. Please don't ever leave like that again." She saw Callie mouth the words. "I love you baby. I love you so much." Too much pain filled her heart and her lungs. She could barley breath. Arizona felt someone come up behind her. "Callie told her. Lucy spent the week at my place, crying and trying to figure out what to do. She finally decided to forgive her. Lucy is in love with her and Callie loves her fiercely. No matter whom she sleeps with." Mark touched Arizona's shoulder and patted it. "I'm sorry Arizona. I know you wanted her back. Callie will always love you. For months after you left she spent her nights crying herself to sleep in my arms. I held her for months, taking care of Sofia and letting her fall apart. It was finally too much. I told her that if she didn't pick herself up she was going to miss her daughter growing up. That did it. She finally got her life together. Sofia is so amazing and so smart. She grows and learns every day and it's because Callie is the most amazing mother and she has found someone who loves her so much." Arizona felt the tears streaming down her face. All he was saying was true. She had ruined it. She had ruined it all. "I know when she slept with you she probably told you that she loved you. I know her. And I know you still love her. I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out. But that's not on Callie. She can't live in the past anymore Arizona. Please, let her move on." Arizona breathed deeply her lips trembling as she looked up at Mark. "I still love her Mark." Mark nodded and put his clipboard under his arm. "Then love her quietly. For her sake." Arizona nodded as he turned and walked away. Arizona looked at Callie, smiling and happy, she turned away from them and walked down the hall and back to work.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Being too scared to admit you might not love your fiancé as much as you thought you did was enough to make anyone go crazy. Callie had been thinking about all the things that were wrong with her life and all the things that were amazing. Arizona wasn't in it anymore, they didn't talk to each other and they wouldn't look at each other except when they were in the OR and working together. Arizona had been avoiding her since she had gotten back together with Lucy. Callie and Lucy had continued making plans together for the wedding. And it was now only 4 days until the big day. Sofia was excited; everyone was talking about it at the hospital. Another "in house" wedding they called it. Callie had a strange feeling in the weeks leading up to the wedding. She couldn't pin point the very center of the feeling but she knew in her heart she was conflicted. In order to be the person you wanted to be you had to make a choice and she had chosen. Lucy was her life now and so was her family.

Arizona was transferring. She wasn't going to stick around to watch Callie and Lucy get married. She wasn't able to go through with it. In all reality she would much rather go back to Boston and face her ex wife, face her life there and start over. Loving Callie quietly felt like death. In the OR they were professional, in the halls they nodded to each other but not since that day had they said any personal words to each other. Arizona knew Callie must have loved her at some point, but she did cheat on her fiancé with her and then go back to her. It felt like a disconnection. Arizona had felt guilty and confused until she realized that Callie was staying with Lucy. The guilt was still there but she was no longer confused, Callie loved her fiancé more than Arizona. Mark had made sure she knew that. Arizona wasn't going to but in, for Sofia's sake, for Callie's sake, for everyone's sake. It was better that she leave now and go back to Boston. Back to a life where she didn't have to look at the woman she loved.

That afternoon Arizona walked down the maternity ward, she was looking into a patient of hers and she suddenly had a strange yearning to keep going down a floor. Downstairs was the nursery/day care where all the children of the doctors and nurse's went during the day or after school. As she watched the kids playing in the room someone tugged on her scrub leg. Arizona looked down and saw the wavy black hair and the adorable clothes. Sofia Sloan Torres was looking up at her. "Sometimes my mommy takes me to see the new babies." Arizona felt her face break out into a huge smile. Sofia was beautiful. Everything her mother was and more. She had the Mark Sloan smile and the Callie eyes. "Alright. I can take you there if you want. Let me ask the people watching you." After proving to the daycare center she was indeed a doctor at the hospital she took Sofia by the hand and they walked down the hallway to the nursery/new born ward. "So did your mom tell you who I was, when you saw me at that wedding?" Sofia climbed up onto the ledge to get a better look at the babies. She pressed her little nose against the glass. Arizona laughed a little bit and took a napkin from her pocket and wiped the glass then wiped Sofia's nose clean from the germs. "Yes. She told me you used to love her." Arizona felt her heart break. This little 5 year old knew that she had been in love with her mother. It made her feel like a failure.

Arizona knelt down beside Sofia and smiled a half happy half sad smile. "I was very much in love with her. You may be to little to understand this, but she loved me to I think and I am very sad that I had to leave before I got a chance to know you." Sofia kept staring at the babies behind the glass. One was waving his legs in the air and Sofia giggled. Arizona sighed and remembered she was talking to a 5 year old and not a grown up. Sofia tapped on the glass and then without so much as looking at Arizona said, "You would be my mommy. But you lefted us." Arizona sighed again and patted Sofia's head. "I know kiddo. I know." Sofia turned her head and looked up at Arizona and smiled, "I like you Dr Robbins." Sofia hugged her leg. That's how Calliope found them. She had gone to the day care to look for Sofia and the head of the care takers said Dr. Robbins had taken her to the newborn viewing room. Callie smiled a little bit, remembering how they would go there sometimes when they were sad and needed a pick me up. As she rounded the corner she saw Sofia hugging Arizona's leg and her heart melted. The sight of her baby girl hugging the woman she had loved so fiercely and so passionately was heart breaking.

Callie walked up to them and Arizona half smiled and shrugged, "She wanted to see the new babies. I hope you don't mind." Callie smiled back at her and picked Sofia up into her arms giving her kisses on her head. "Not at all. I'm glad someone was there to take her, Mark and I aren't always able to, and well Lucy is rarely out when I'm out so yeah." Arizona nodded looking away and back towards the new babies, one was cooing and drooling at the same time and it made her smile. The thought of having one was so far away from her life now. First she had to have someone who would have one with her and the closest she had was her ex wife. Rachel hadn't been in much contact except to send her stuff with a note that said, I'm keeping the paintings. "Thank Dr. Robbins for taking you to see the babies," Callie said as she looked at her daughter who was rubbing her eyes, she was getting sleepy. "Thank you Dr. Robbins. Next time can we maybe go inside?" Sofia asked as she laid her head on her mothers shoulder. "Sure kiddo. Next time." Callie's eyes trailed up Arizona's face and caught her eye. She didn't know what to say, what was there left to say after everything that had happened between them? Her wedding was in 4 days. It wasn't like she had to explain it to Arizona, she was certain she had heard because the entire hospital had been invited and everyone was excited. As she turned to go with Sofia who had already closed her eyes Arizona spoke, softly, just quiet enough for them to hear, " Congratulations Calliope."

It was four days later. Callie and Lucy had spent the night apart due to not being allowed to see each other before the wedding. Callie had spent her night staring at her phone the drunker she got. There was a feeling in the back of her mind that she knew she should call Arizona and apologize for never actually telling her to her face about her staying with Lucy. She owed her more but it didn't matter, because she had made her choice, she was marrying Lucy tomorrow. Callie drank and drank and ended up sobbing into her pillow at Meredith's house. Meredith stroked her back gently and let her cry herself to sleep. It didn't matter that Callie had chosen Lucy because in her heart she would never be able to let go of Arizona, she would always be the one who got away. Arizona had spent the previous night drinking with Teddy. Teddy had made Henry and the girls go to bed early and it had been just the two of them drinking vodka and rum all night. Arizona ranted, she raved, she cried and no matter what it all ended with, "I still love her so much." Teddy knew about them sleeping together, she knew they had both wanted it and she also knew how Callie was and that if she had chosen Lucy she must have been to scared to lose the life she had made for herself. As Arizona sobbed into her cup of vodka and tonic Teddy came to the conclusion for herself, if Callie had slept with Arizona and risked her relationship ending she must have done it for some reason. Whether or not she had backed out of ending her relationship for the same reason was a whole different story but if Arizona let this go and walked away she would be living with the same regret for the rest of her life.

When Arizona woke up Teddy was sitting there with a cup of coffee, a bottle of water and a 2 advil. Arizona groaned and felt her head pound as she sat up and took the water and advil from her. "Welcome to the world of the living," Teddy said as she went to open the curtains and laughed as Arizona groaned and flung herself back onto the bed face first. "I am never drinking again," She said as she peaked an eye open and looked at Teddy who was bringing her the coffee. "I can't believe I drank that much last night. I am so sorry about unloading on you like that. It felt like 5 years ago." Teddy laughed and looked at her, "It's alright, and honestly it felt good to have a best friend here again. I'm going to enjoy having you back around." Arizona felt her chest ache a little bit and sat up sipping the coffee slowly. "Listen, Teddy. I'm not sure if I'm going to be around much longer. There's really no reason to stay and with Callie and Lucy getting married…it feels like I should just go back to Boston." She avoided looking up at Teddy; she began to pick the lint off of her shirt knowing that Teddy was giving her a disapproving look. "You're running away Arizona Robbins. Don't do this again. Don't run from something you've wanted for so long." Arizona sighed and looked up at her best friend then tears in her eyes. "There's no reason to stay Teddy, she's marrying her. Today! Today she is marrying Lucy and there is no way I can make her change her mind. She's made her choice." Teddy sat down on the bed next to her. "I know she's made it, but why would she have slept with you if there wasn't something still there. 5 years ago you walked away from the best thing you could have had right? Well maybe it's time for you to go claim it back. I love Lucy and I love Callie, but they never made sense to me. Not like you two. You're Callie and Arizona. You were supposed to be the great love story. Well it's not to late. Go and tell her how much you love her and how you wish you could have taken it back, you wish you could have come back and told her every day you loved her. Just tell her and if she says no, then we know it wasn't meant to be. But I can't keep seeing you like this Arizona. It's not good for you." Arizona looked at Teddy. What she was saying made sense and inside she could feel the old Arizona coming back, the woman who kissed the hot Latina in the bathroom at Joe's. The woman who and said screw it; we'll have ten kids. She knew that woman had died when she had left for Boston but she was still inside her. It was time for her to go after what she wanted. "I'm going to. I can't let her go without knowing." Teddy laughed and hugged her. "Just tell her how you feel Arizona, then we will know." Arizona nodded and threw on her clothes, downed the hot cup of coffee burning her tongue a little bit and ran downstairs to her car.

The church was in Eastlake and as she drove she tried to convince herself not to lose her nerve. It was one thing to say she was going to fight for the woman she loved it was another to ruin a wedding. It was the kind of thing you saw in a movie, not in real life. In her mind she would race up and break up the wedding, confess her love and they would ride off into the sunset. Yeah, right, that was so not going to happen, but Arizona needed to try. She owed herself that much, and she was owed an explanation of why Calliope had slept with her and then gone back to Lucy. Arizona would understand as long as there was some sort of explanation. She loved Calliope, she had loved her every second since they had first kissed and the thought of her spending the rest of her life with someone other than her was like an ice pick to her heart. The church was up ahead to the right and as she pulled in she saw the limo and the just married sign on it. Her heart constricted but she pushed through and parked. The only place to go was to the front of the church and it looked like everyone was already inside. Arizona opened the front door and slipped in quietly, trying to find the dressing rooms. She knew they had to be in the back of the church and so she rounded a corner. Meredith was staring straight at her. "What are you doing here?" She asked in a loud whisper looking around making sure no one else was coming. Arizona sighed and looked around also, "I have to talk to her. Please. I know it's a bad time but I really need to see her." Arizona tried to push past her but Meredith put her arms out, "you're damn right it's a bad time. Arizona she's getting married in 20 minutes. Come on. Don't do this to yourself." Arizona looked straight at Meredith and felt her anger and pain boiling beneath her chest. "I have to see her. NOW. Please just move." Arizona pushed passed her as she walked/ran down the hallway. The only thing she was praying for was that she wouldn't open the wrong door. She came to a door down the hall on the right. It looked like it could lead to a dressing room. Arizona sighed and took a deep breath. This was it. She could either turn back now or keep going. She opened the door and walked in. Standing in front of the mirror in a gorgeous dress was Callie. Arizona took a deep breath and held it, trying not to let her feelings overcome her. "Meredith, did Lucy get the flowers I sent her?" Callie asked as she turned around and saw Arizona standing there. Callie felt her pulse start to race, to see her again on this day was more overwhelming than anything. She had hoped she would see her before she was married, she had hoped, silently, praying that Arizona would know she needed to explain but also terrified of actually having to put her feelings into words.

Arizona looked at her, stepped forward and then looked out into the garden. "I came here because…because…because I think you owe me an explanation. Before you go and marry Lucy, you owe me an explanation of why you slept with me and then went back to your fiancé." Callie shook her head," I'm sorry. I don't have one except that I loved you 5 years ago, it was hard seeing you again, it was hard being there with you and not touching you and feeling you but I knew it was wrong. I knew it. I'm so sorry Arizona. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Once we slept together I knew I couldn't abandon Lucy just because I might still have feelings for you." Arizona stared at Callie seeing for once the insecure woman inside the gorgeous brave figure standing before her. No matter what they would always love each other. No matter what they were going to remain in each other's hearts. Arizona knew she had one shot. One moment to change her mind and she stepped forward to look at Callie, she reached out to touch her face. "I am sorry you felt like I abandoned you. I knew how much it must have hurt you when I left. I know that now. What you don't know is that I called all the time, I would call and hang up and then curse myself for not saying anything. Teddy sent me photos of you and Sofia in the hospital and I felt like dying. I was dying. I think I've been dying for the past 5 years. I made a mistake by leaving. But I love you Calliope. I've loved you since I kissed you at Joe's and I've loved you every day I've been away. But I'm here now. So please, don't marry her. Give me one more chance to show you that I am someone worth you and your daughter. I love you and I'll love her too. I'll do anything for you. Please don't marry her." Arizona looked at Callie, kissed her on the cheek and turned away. She opened the door, took one deep breath and walked out.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Arizona closed the door as Meredith came walking around the corner and saw her; Arizona averted her eyes and exited back out the way she came. Callie didn't follow her. With every step further from the church she felt her heart break. Every single footstep felt like a piece of glass piercing her heart. Callie wasn't coming. She didn't love her. They wouldn't ever be together again. Arizona got into her car and felt the emotions come. She let them. It was healthy to cry and let everything out. She sobbed and sobbed, and then finally she looked at herself in the mirror, straightened her hair and fixed her make up. She texted Teddy telling her that she was going to the hotel then going to the airport. She was sorry that she had to leave without telling her in person, she would miss seeing all of her friends but it was time. Callie made her choice. She made it to her hotel in record time and had her bags already packed. She walked downstairs and checked out, making sure to tip a little extra for the mess that she had made while being drunk for the last week. Arizona drove to the airport in her rental car. Her flight left in an hour and she wasn't going to miss it. It was the way out, the way home to a world she hadn't wanted but the only one she knew.

Callie stood at the doorway waiting for it to open. She looked at Meredith, who smiled with her face but not with her eyes. She knew that Arizona must have said something to her because Callie could read it all over her face. As Callie walked down the aisle she saw everyone who cared about her but all she could think how brave Arizona had been to come to her and tell her exactly how she felt. She had promised to love Sofia, the child she said she had never wanted, but she had said she would love her, and that she already did. Callie had seen them together; she had seen their connection no matter how brief it had been. It was amazing. All she had wanted was for Sofia to know a good family, but the thing was, wasn't Arizona Sofia's other mother already? She had been there, she had accepted it, and she had forgiven Callie for sleeping with Mark. What else could that mean? Wasn't Arizona the person she had been waiting for all these years? Callie saw Lucy standing at the altar looking at her and when she got up to there she stared into her eyes. Standing next to the woman whom she should promise to love each day seemed impossible now. How much more could she lie about? Could she lie for the rest of their marriage about not feeling something for Arizona anymore? No. It wasn't possible. Callie looked down into Lucy's eyes and smiled sadly, she knew she couldn't do this. She wouldn't ruin both their lives, and it wasn't fair to lie to a woman she loved.

Lucy looked at her with a question in her eyes. "Stop!" Callie said loudly. She looked over at Mark and saw his expression, she couldn't tell if it was approval or if it was disappointment. All she knew was that she had to follow her heart. This wasn't how her life was supposed to turn out. She wanted nothing more than to marry Lucy and have the normal marriage without passion or spark, but she knew if she did that she would end up hating her. She didn't want to do that to anyone, ever. Callie looked at Lucy and felt tears running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. Lucy reached for her hand. "Callie, what's wrong?" Callie shook her head. "I can't marry you Lucy, I lied when I said I didn't love Arizona anymore. I can't do this. I can't love her and be married to you. It's not fair to you. I do love you, but I've loved her since the day I met her and I never will stop. I'm so sorry." Lucy stared at her feeling her own tears start to fall onto her face as she looked around at all their colleges and friends. "Callie, are you sure? I mean… I love you. I love Sofia I love everything about the family we are going to have and you really want to throw it away for her?" Callie felt her tears come again. Lucy really did love her she knew that. If she had chosen her she would have had a stable life she knew that but she needed Arizona like she needed air to breathe. "I do know. I love you too. I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I will always love you too. But I can't make this mistake. I can't choose something that I'm not 100% sure about. Please forgive me someday." Callie leaned down and kissed Lucy on the cheek. She turned and gathered her dress into her hands as she ran back down the aisle and out to her dressing room. As she gathered her things she cried. She cried for hurting Lucy and she cried because she hadn't been strong enough to stop Arizona when she had asked her not to marry Lucy. All she knew was that she had been too afraid to run after her. What if she was to late?

Arizona stood by the gate and checked the time. She had about 45 minutes until she was boarding. A one-way ticket was in her hand, one-way ticket to Boston. When she had first come to Seattle she had been broken. She was a shell of who she had been when she first saw Calliope. She knew that. But here she was making decisions for herself ready to start a whole new chapter in her life. Maybe she would go back to Africa or somewhere else. Who knew? It was a new start to a new life. No ex wife no ex girlfriend just her and the open road. Teddy called her earlier telling her how dumb she was for running away but when Arizona had told her the whole thing Teddy realized that it was her time to heal and to find a new place to start over. Arizona loved her best friend and she would miss her, she would miss everyone but she knew that this time was different. She wasn't running away from someone or running to anyone. She was free to do whatever she wanted. As she heard the announcement that it was time to start boarding she smiled a little bit and picked up her purse and her suitcase to roll it along behind her and went to get into line.

"Arizona…" She heard the voice so loud and clear that she thought she had imagined it. She shook her head slightly trying to shake the voice out and then she heard it again. "Arizona…" She turned and saw her standing there, suitcase in hand looking at her. Calliope.

_"I don't want to go to Africa with you…" Callie stared at her. "Arizona no…Arizona…no okay." "I'm sorry…" Callie felt herself growing angry. "You're sorry? You're sorry? It's three years! Arizona felt herself look up into Callie's eyes. "I'm going to miss my plane. You take care of yourself." She grabbed her bag and walked towards the gate. "No…NO! Please…please… we can do this. We can figure this out." Arizona turned towards the woman she loved, the woman she was walking away from. "You stay here and be happy. And I'll go there and be happy." Callie felt her rage and hurt boiling. "If you get on that plane if you go without me we are done. Do you hear me? We are over!" Arizona felt the tears falling and she knew she was walking away from the best woman in the entire world, but what else could she do. " We are standing in the middle of an airport screaming at each other. We're already over." _

"What are you doing here?" Arizona looked around expecting to see Lucy, maybe they were off to go to their honeymoon, and maybe they had decided to skip the reception. Callie looked at Arizona and felt something melt inside of her. She was woman she was supposed to lover every single day and the one who would make her happy every day from now on. She had to be, why else would she feel like this every time they looked at each other. "I couldn't do it. I got up there and I saw her and all I could think about was how much I loved you and how much sleeping together meant and how much you hurt me when you left but when you came back it was like my life was coming back. When you left me I was empty I was a shell of myself but then you came along and I knew you saw me for what I truly was. A pearl. Something special. I've loved you non-stop since the moment you kissed me. I've loved you ever since you left me standing in this airport. And I've loved you ever since you left me alone and pregnant. But I swear that this time I won't let you go without a fight. Not this time. This time I'm coming with you, wherever you're going we are going with you. I love you and I love my daughter and I want us to be a family. Please. Don't leave me again." Arizona felt her heart burst. She took two great steps and grabbed Callie into her arms kissing her so hard they almost knocked themselves over. She smiled as the kiss deepened and she felt their bodies' intertwining. Finally she broke the kiss staring into Calliope's deep dark eyes. "I will never leave you again. I love you Calliope Torres. I've loved you from the second I clapped eyes on you. I won't ever make my mistakes again. I love you. I love that little girl of yours. I would never do anything to hurt either of you. I want her to be our little girl if you'll let me. I want to have the life we should have had." Callie laughed and kissed her again, the feelings were overwhelming. The flight attendant called the final boarding call for the flight to Boston. She looked over at them, "Ma'am are you coming on the flight with us?" Arizona laughed a little bit. "No. No thank you." She took Calliope's hand, kissed the back of it and then walked with her out of the airport.

They stood outside in the rain and Arizona watched Callie speaking on the phone to Mark letting him know they were going away for the weekend and to take care of Sofia for her. They would talk to Sofia about all of this when they got back. Now it was time for them to spend some alone time. Arizona called Teddy and told her that she wasn't leaving after all. Teddy was crying because Mark had called her and told her what was going on. She was happy for them. Arizona smiled and hung up the phone. "So where to Calliope Torres. It's you're pick, it would have been you're honeymoon. Tell me. I'll take you anywhere you wanna go." Callie smiled at her. " Well I say we go find those parent's of yours so I can ask them if I can marry their daughter." She pulled Arizona into a kiss. The kiss was long and deep, they felt each other. Arizona could feel Calliope's heart pounding against her chest. It was a perfect moment. "Alright. Well let's first spend some time just you and me." Callie nodded. "That sounds like a great plan."

(More to come soon. Not the end of the story.)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

After a few hours they were back in bed together in a bed and breakfast not far outside of Seattle. Arizona looked over at Callie who was dozing quietly and she realized that this is what dreams coming true looked like. She leaned over to the bedside table to check her phone and smiled as she saw a picture of Mark and Sofia waving at them. He must have taken it just after they had called him. Sofia was so perfect and Arizona knew that her promise to love her was the best promise she would ever keep. Callie stirred slightly and opened her eyes looking over at her. "Well that was the most amazing thing that's happened in a long time." A smirk spread over Arizona's face as she bent down to kiss Callie's soft lips. "I would have to agree with you Calliope. This was the most fantastic thing I could have ever hoped for."

Callie sat up and wrapped her arms around Arizona and kissed her left shoulder blade gently. Arizona shivered, the feel of Callie's lips on her was something she hadn't felt for years and it was like waking up after a long coma. "So, do you think we should go see your parents so we can tell them we are getting married?" Callie asked as she slowly got up to get a drink of water from the sink in the bathroom. "Well, I think I should probably tell my parents I got a divorce first…the whole second marriage thing might come as a shock if they think I'm still married to Rachel." Arizona chuckled slightly and then stopped when Callie came back out of the bathroom and looked at her. "How did you end up marrying someone like her Arizona…she didn't even seem to really love you for you?" Arizona felt herself stiffen with anger at first then sighed as her body relaxed and she looked up at Callie. "We loved each other at first but then I think she knew that I could never truly love her the way I loved you." Callie smiled a little bit and sat down next to her putting one arm around her and letting Arizona's head rest against her shoulder. "Well she didn't deserve you, I saw the way she looked at you and it wasn't what love is supposed to look like. I should know because it's the way I would feel sometimes when Lucy looked at me. I knew she loved me but I couldn't give my whole heart to her."

Arizona smiled a little bit. "Well I'm glad, because without the love of Rachel for the past 2 years I wouldn't have had the courage to come back here and then I wouldn't have been able to see how much I still loved you. It was like being awoken from a dream that wasn't actually a dream at all." Callie kissed her softly and pulled her down onto the bed. "But this isn't a dream Arizona, this is real and all I want is for us to spend the next 50 years loving each other and holding each other like this every single day." Arizona smiled a little bit, "What about when we have another baby…how would we be able to hold each other exactly like this?" She asked with a smile on her face. Callie's face lit up and it made Arizona's heart melt. "You want to have another baby?" Callie asked with a look of disbelief and excitement on her face. "Of course I do, I told you once I didn't want kids but then I realized I have always wanted them with you. Sofia is perfect; I've seen it and I wouldn't want her to grow up without a brother or a sister. " Arizona smiled as Callie clasped her lips onto hers and pulled her into a long deep kiss that she could feel in her toes. " I don't' think I've ever been more happy than in this moment Arizona Robbins. "

A few months later Arizona was sitting outside enjoying a nice cup of coffee when Callie pulled up and the pitter patter of tiny feet on the concrete made her look up and smile as Sofia bounced across the yard towards her. "Mommie Zona! We got a puppy!" Sofia had a little puppy in her arms that was attacking her face with kisses. Arizona broke into a smile as the little ball of fur jumped down and ran around her ankles. Callie came up and planted a kiss onto her lips as she laughed at Sophia and the little pup. "Well that's a surprise." Callie smiled as she took her hand. "Well I did want to wait and tell you beforehand but when we saw this little one and Sophia petted him for the first time it was love at first sight." Arizona smiled down at Sophia who kissed the puppy then whooped as they ran into the backyard and chased each other around. "I'm glad you two found the perfect addition to our family." Callie smirked slightly as they followed Sophia to the backyard. "I did want to tell you something else. I wasn't sure when the right time was but I thought maybe with this new addition to the family I could show you this." Callie pulled out a small device from her purse and handed it to Arizona. As she looked down she realized what it was, a pregnancy test. Arizona felt her heart leap into her throat. This moment was something she didn't realize she had been waiting for. When she had first met Callie she hadn't wanted children but now with this little girl who made her life so amazing she couldn't picture not having more children with Calliope Torres. She turned the test over in her hand and there it was, the plus sign that was going to change all of their lives. This would be a new beginning for all of them. "You're pregnant." Arizona spoke so softly and she didn't even realize she was crying. "I'm pregnant." Callie smiled as Arizona pulled her into her arms and kissed her long, and serious, a kiss that resounded inside of her like an empty church and a single bell. "I love you. I love you I love you I love you." Arizona kissed her again as Sophia ran towards them.


End file.
